“I thought I was over him”

“I thought I was over him, and then I saw him.”

I was talking to a woman who was getting over a breakup.

Breakups are tough, there is no doubt about it.

We feel the loss of the person, but we also feel the loss of the dream of what we are going to be together.

All the doubt, confusion, denial comes raging back into our psyches—we are thrown into turbulence and emotional chaos.

At some point, we think things have calmed down for us, but then we receive a text from them, or we bump into them randomly on the street (god forbid they are on a date), and we are thrown back into the emotional chaos.

So what is going on there?

From The Play perspective (which is the method I teach), there is a part of us that isn’t getting met. This part is sad, hiding, angry, and not ready to be revealed—sometimes even to ourselves.

This part is running the show in our lives—we feel grief, sadness, despair—we know that moving on is the best way to go, but we just can’t bring ourselves to do it.

We are stuck in our experience, and we can’t get out.

The part (or creature, as I like to call it), wants something—some sort of attention.

Maybe it wants to be told that everything is going to be ok (just like mommy would tell you).

Or maybe it wants to be told that it’s bad and wrong (you naughty little part, you )

Or maybe it wants to be played with…chased around, and wrestled.

Whatever it is, it’s important that this part get met—truly met—so that the energy can move for you.

Otherwise, you get stuck in months of emotional process—it’s torture—and you just can’t move on.

Or, you try to start a rebound relationship, but you know inside that it’s not going to get you where you need to be—it’s just going to cause more mess, and involve another person.

In The Play we can meet that part—give it what it wants and needs—so that the stuck energy can move.

You may be shocked at how quickly you can move into the next phase, and get on with your life—hallelujah.

Happy to talk if you’re in this place, and ready to move to the next stage.